How to Get Financial Help (When Your Partner Doesn’t Want a Planner)


You’ve read financial blogs and tuned into all the motivational money podcasts you can find.

You bury yourself in personal finance books and comb through online communities full of people like you, whether they’re frugal parents, financial-independence seekers, aspiring real estate investors, or any other type of person looking for strategies to grow wealth.

There’s no doubt you’re motivated and you’ve been working hard to improve your money management habits. You’ve probably made a lot of progress on your own, too!

But there’s just one problem: you’ve reached a point where you really need more help to get to the next level… and your significant other is not on board with hiring a financial planner for your family.

What should you do when you know you need financial help — but your spouse doesn’t see the value or simply doesn’t want to talk with an outside money expert?

Start by Hearing Their Concerns

The truth is, your partner could have valid concerns about reaching out and asking for financial help.

They could have had a bad experience with someone who oversold them life insurance or a terrible annuity. Your spouse may not know as much as you do about the financial advice world, and doesn’t feel confident about finding a planner to work with that they both like and trust.

Or maybe they just don’t feel comfortable opening up to a stranger about their money.

Whatever the reason, it’s going to make perfect sense to your significant other even if you don’t think it’s rational. Don’t dismiss their concerns. Listen first. From there, you may be able to answer their questions or share resources with them to alleviate worries, fears, or doubts.

If your partner doesn’t have specific concerns, but just doesn’t see the value in getting financial help, it may be more on you to do some initial legwork. If it’s important to you, do the preliminary research and then come back to your spouse with some specific options.

For example, instead of saying “I think we should get a financial planner,” and leaving it at that, do some digging and make a short list of 3 advisors you’re interested in — and explain to your partner why you picked those 3.

They may be more receptive to the idea of getting financial help if it doesn’t feel like such an overwhelming chore — and if they understand what they can expect before making any decisions.

Focus on Their Motivations

Getting financial help and then working on all the to-dos around your money that a financial plan sets out for you — budgeting, saving, investing, getting proper insurance policies and estate plans; the list goes on — isn’t exactly fun for most people.

It feels amazing to get your finances under control and make progress toward building wealth. But if you’re staring down the start of this process and have a lot of work to do to move from where you are to where you want to be?

That’s tough. It’s intimidating. And people are unlikely to do it just for the sake of doing it.

If your partner is reluctant to get a financial planner (or just doesn’t want to get on board with working your wealth together), they may just lack a good reason why. In other words, they might not have the same motivation you do.

To get their buy-in, you need to consider what does motivate them. What’s important? What makes hard stuff worth it for them? What kind of outcome would make them interested in taking action to get to it?

If your spouse has a business idea they’d love to explore because they want to quit their day job, for example, that could be excellent motivation for taking necessary actions together to increase your household financial stability so they can pursue entrepreneurship.

Forcing someone to do what they don’t want is a losing game. But talking about what motivates each of you could be a gamechanger.

Consider Your Options

Not all financial planners are the same or created equal — but if your partner doesn’t know that, they may be very reluctant to get on board with the idea of asking for financial help.

They may have one idea of what a “financial advisor” does, but they may have no idea how many different types of planners are out there. There’s a difference, for example, between someone who is “fee-only” and someone who earns commissions selling products.

There’s also a big difference between advisors who will only work with you if you have a million bucks in the bank and those that offer comprehensive financial planning advice without requiring you to let them manage your money.

If your spouse doesn’t know this, they may not be very keen on getting financial help. Be sure to let them know they have plenty of options — including what specific kind of support they receive.

You and your family can get the kind of help you need, which could range anywhere from a quick consult to an ongoing relationship that lasts years. Here are just a few of your financial planning options:

  • A one-time meeting for a deep dive into a specific area
  • A one-time plan that may come with several meetings, but with a specific end date and deliverable (in the form of your financial plan that you can then take and implement)
  • An ongoing relationship where you get access, accountability, and guidance from a financial professional who’s available via email and through scheduled meetings to put you on the right track — and keep you there
  • An expert who can help you manage your investments or make smarter investment choices if you need advice in that area

Find the Right Time to Start the Conversation

No matter what your situation, you need to talk to your significant other about getting the financial help you need to work your wealth. You’ll need to hear their concerns and questions, and you might need to do some work in getting them answers before they agree to move forward.

But you also need to consider the timing of that conversation. Don’t badger or nag them about it the minute they come home from a stressful day at work; don’t get into a situation where you need to shout over your screaming toddlers about making the decision.

And finally, don’t make accusations or threats. Your finances are extremely important and it can be stressful when you’re on board with making necessary changes but your partner isn’t — but instead of blaming them for that or accusing them of something, consider sharing why this means so much to you.

Share what motivates you, and what you hope to accomplish if you can better your family’s financial situation. Explain why you would appreciate the support and expertise of a professional (and objective!) financial planner who can give you more confidence and clarity around money.

Seeing your passion, drive, and motivation to help your family to a better financial place may be all your partner needs to get on board with the idea of seeking financial help.

Mary Beth Storjohann, CFP® is an author, speaker, and financial coach who takes a fun, no-nonsense approach in working with individuals and couples across the country, helping them make smart choices with their money.

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